I've missed opportunities by starting with "no" rather than asking how it could work, here's how to avoid this mistake
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“How can we make it work?”
Rather than start with no, or accept a quick no, ask this question.
I'm an engineer by training and a Program Manager (planner) by inclination, so my mind almost always goes first to the risks and problems of a situation or proposal.
This often leads me to start with "no," because I have seen a problem and not yet figured out a solution.
A really good manager of mine taught me to ask:
"Under what circumstances would you do XYZ?"
This question has 2 benefits.
It gets people thinking about how to make something work rather than just saying no.
It gets you a list of what you have to accomplish (or work around) if you want the person to buy into your plan. As an added bonus, most people will actually answer this question, even if they are pretty opposed to your base idea.
3 tricks to know when you run into resistance:
Accept that most people resist sudden change (read more here). Prepare to help them past this phase (rather than be upset and shut down by the quick no).
Understand that almost all of us see problems before we see opportunities. For most people (not all), fear of risk or loss is stronger than excitement about gain. So it is common for people to start with the faults rather than the benefits. Again, by knowing this you can plan to listen patiently and redirect your audience to "How could it work?"
If you can switch people over to problem-solving mode ("How could this work?") then you can change the whole direction of the conversation.
Many of you have complained: “Management does not listen to my ideas.”
In a formal brainstorming setting, we can set rules that require people to only build on, or at least not criticize proposals. The rest of the time, you have to gently direct them toward joining you in positive problem-solving.
Example: Under what circumstances would you share the link to this Newsletter with your peers and colleagues, telling them what a good resource it is for weekly career advice?
I'd love to hear your answers, as well as reader comments on other ways to redirect initial resistance to proposals and changes.
Audience Insights
Additional ideas worth considering from my LinkedIn audience:
Another question to ask is “What must be true to do XYZ?” The purpose is to engage in constructive dialog that embraces each person’s natural tendencies. For example, optimists may provide additional data to support the proposal while skeptics contibute by defining the risks.
If you require someone’s support but are having trouble, answer the question “What’s in it for me?” — for the other person. Evaluate the problem/situation from their lens to figure out how your proposal helps them.
If you get strong pushback, it is as important to consider "Should we make this work, or is it the wrong question, the wrong feature, not really a problem, or simply lower priority?" The “no” might serve as a forcing function to elicit better understanding.
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