Over my career, I've been a part of many close teams. Teams that worked hard together, ate lunch together every day, and attended social events together.
I've also worked long hours for every company I have served. Evening and weekends.
I am sure that most readers who follow me are the same. You heed the call of the project and the deadline, you do not let teammates down.
But, let me give you data from the far side of retirement you do not yet have.
I left Amazon over three years ago.
I have many Amazon "friends," but let me define that friendship.
Great people. Smart, hardworking, friendly, kind.
If I call, text, or email them, they are happy to hear from me.
If they call me, I am happy to hear from them.
Of these dozens of close relationships (e.g. direct reports, managers, close peers), how many of us call each other?
Almost none. And that is just three years after departure.
I fault none of these people, nor do I think less of them. They are great people and if we have a reunion, we will enjoy catching up.
My point is, 99% of work relationships fade very shortly after either of you moves on.
If you have had a 20-year career, or close to it. Ask two questions:
How many of those people call you or you call them? If you exclude people with whom you formed a specific outside-of-work deeper relationship (e.g. hiking, squash, neighbors, whatever), I will bet for true "coworkers" (only working together) it is very, very close to zero.
If you were not direct to the CEO or SVP, has that person ever interacted with you again?
For me, #2 is no.
Not from any company, ever, has the embodiment of the "company" ever reached out.
Remember that your company cannot love you and will not love you.
Your company will never be sitting by your bedside when you are old and sick.
In the US at least, we have a culture of overwork.
Most of my posts are about how to play that game well. I make those posts though for another reason — people need (and want) money to live. Plus, it is fulfilling to do well at work.
The point of this post is to inject balance. Be friendly. Enjoy your coworkers. Climb the ladder if you want, and bank the money.
But do not lose sight of what you are working for in the end. Do not get sucked into the idea that "the company" has loyalty back to you. Companies are legal structures. I was a very good Amazon employee. Amazon will not be sending a fruit basket to my retirement home nor flowers to my funeral.
That isn't what companies do.
Invest in your life outside the company and never work so hard that you sacrifice things you cannot get back.
Your kids will remember not seeing you. You may respect how hard your parents worked to support you...but wouldn't you have rather had a little more of their time?
Readers, are you in balance?
Audience Insights
Additional ideas worth considering from my LinkedIn audience:
Add your parents in the quote: "In 20 years only your children and parents will remember that you worked late."
Many people think about this when it’s too late, so ask yourself this question now: “How much of your wealth and professional accomplishment would you give up for more time with your kids?”
Ethan here. I think I would have chosen to slow down and work three years longer. Specifically, work 10% fewer hours to have one more hour a day with family, then work 10 percent more years to end up in the same place, but with better balance along the way.
"Imagine life as a game in which you are juggling some five balls in the air. You name them—work, family, health, friends, and spirit—and you're keeping all of these in the air. You will soon understand that work is a rubber ball. If you drop it, it will bounce back. But the other four balls—family, health, friends, and spirit—are made of glass. If you drop one of these, they will be irrevocably scuffed, marked, nicked, damaged, or even shattered. They will never be the same. You must understand that and strive for balance in your life.” — Brian J. Dyson, former CEO of Coca-Cola gave the “Five Balls” speech at a commencement ceremony at Georgia Tech on Sept. 6, 1991
How we spend our time (see below chart):
Family time sharply declines after age 20. Cherish it.
Children time peaks in your 30s and declines sharply. The “Magic Window of Childhood” is years 0-10 because you (the parent) are your child’s favorite person in the world. Don’t miss out. Be present.
Notice how coworker time goes almost to zero as soon as people retire. Our coworkers are good people but will not be with us long term.
My goal is to reach and help as many people as I can, and the reach grows through your sharing (thank you!).
I can only speak for myself. Working hard gives you identity. You are a (insert company name here) guy/girl. And for a lot this means a lot. Identity gives you purpose. And when you truly understand that there is a whole other identity inside yourself waiting to be crafted that’s the point where you see the world through different eyes. Great article.
Such a great quote, and a concept that makes you think on the relationship with your job and company.
I can only speak for myself. Working hard gives you identity. You are a (insert company name here) guy/girl. And for a lot this means a lot. Identity gives you purpose. And when you truly understand that there is a whole other identity inside yourself waiting to be crafted that’s the point where you see the world through different eyes. Great article.