I found myself envying a peer and making myself unhappy...
Someone I know well has had a very accomplished life.
We came from similar circumstances and got the same education. I worked hard, got lucky, and succeeded. He worked at least as hard, also had some luck, and achieved even more.
What made the difference? He took bigger risks and they paid off. He started his own business, weathered the scary early days, and succeeded.
I am legitimately happy for him. He has also done nothing to provoke envy.
Rather, it is the sad little greedy part of my heart that wants more for myself.
The part that compares myself to him and asks, "Why not me too?"
And candidly, that's ridiculous.
By sharing this story I hope to warn each of you to prepare for this endless temptation and by admitting I have it to purge it from myself at least for now.
No matter how much you succeed there will always be someone else who does better. Someone who worked harder or who just had better luck; sometimes both. More importantly, as you grow and succeed you will find yourself around more successful people as a result. So the comparisons will always be in your face.
I was able to retire from Amazon by 50. What possible reason can I have to feel envy?! But such feelings are not rational. The little demon claws for attention.
Judge yourself by what you need, and what you have done, not by others.
To look at others is the way to madness and despair. If you want to pile up a huge fortune or run a giant company, by all means, do it, but do it for yourself and to help others, not to win a comparison.
Share my warning with anyone you know who struggles with comparing themselves to others. It's a bad temptation, but a common one. Maybe by hearing that the comparisons never end, that person will see the madness and stop.
Audience Insights
Additional ideas worth considering from my LinkedIn audience:
Amir Satvat shared two perspectives:
Global Perspective. My wife, a development economist, works in the poorest parts of the world. She comes back from places like Nigeria and tells me the maternal mortality where she visited was 30 times the U.S.A. Or she will go to a town and tell me the average annual income was $800. Seeing the world and appreciating how all of us here are so fortunate never to have to think about things many others do (food, shelter, safety, health and education access) shuts down inclinations to feel bad about anything, instead wanting to do more for others.
Luxury Of Choice. I ask myself each day, "am I waking up grumpy or with joy". Since joining the Games space (thanks to you and others), it is almost always joy. I deprioritized glory seeking and instead say, honestly, what would I rather do than work in games? Not much. It is a huge luxury to do what you want. Few people do, keeping jobs they have to because of income. I encourage people to keep fighting for, and appreciate if they achieve it, doing what they truly want to do as many can't.
Remember that "success" is multi-dimensional and is subjective to each individual. Within a single dimension (e.g. job, net worth, family relationships) it is easy to compare ourselves against others. But when taken collectively, it's easier to recognize that everyone makes tradeoffs. For example, many admire Elon Musk’s wealth and company building achievements, but less would want his personal life.
Comparing your self worth to others is like pissing in the ocean. No matter how much water you drink, no matter how hard you try, no matter how often you come to the shore to try again you will never raise the level of the sea.
If you are competitive and want to compare yourself to something, then compare yourself to who you were yesterday, and beat that person.
"Comparison is the thief of joy."
"The first rule of Everquest is that there's always someone more Uber than you."
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Level Up is a newsletter from retired Amazon Vice President Ethan Evans that breaks down how he succeeded and how you can get to the next level.