I am a poor listener
That is a hard thing for a leader to admit and manage.
All of us have faults we wish we did not.
An important career growth tool is to know and admit your flaws.
As a manager, I had to call them "opportunities for improvement" or other politically correct terms, but now I'm free to call them what they are - performance problems!
The key is, since everyone has them, it is possible to have an overall strong and successful professional career despite them. To do that though, you must be aware of and learn how to manage around them.
Do 3 things to become aware:
Listen to feedback, particularly from friends and family who you trust to care about you.
Ask for candid feedback.
Put real effort into improving where you can and mitigating what you cannot.
In my case, I've told coworkers how to "get through to me" when I fail to hear them.
Because it is less that I don't hear their words (literally "listen") and more that I don't understand their full meaning and emphasis.
So I tell them how to get that across to me.
Proudly name your flaw, embrace it, and manage it.
Audience Insights
I have consolidated additional ideas worth considering from my LinkedIn audience, including:
A reader asked why I ever felt the need to sugarcoat performance problems vs opportunities for improvement.
My response: There is a quote, "When the student is ready the teacher will appear." Not everyone can hear direct feedback. Remember, this post is about my own “hearing” problems. People needing feedback can have them too, and you may have to be gentle enough to avoid triggering emotions that tend to make people "deaf ".
My main tip for managing flaws is to form an alliance with someone who can support you. In my case, that can be others who can “hear for me.” For someone who finds it hard to let go, even after a decision has been made, it may be someone you trust who will pull you aside and say “Ethan, you might be right on this one, but is it a hill worth dying on?”
A reader shared the following:
“I noticed that I was in one of my areas of weakness (getting too focused and intense and not letting the conversation proceed more slowly and casually) in an interaction, I stopped, acknowledged, apologized, and shifted. The other person expressed gratitude and mentioned how rare it is for anyone to openly own their own deficits. I suspect it's because we're all afraid of being punished in some way if we do. For me it helps to keep in mind that I’d want them to do the same if our positions were reversed.”
Several readers recomended The Coaching Habit: Say Less, Ask More & Change the Way You Lead Forever (I have not read it but have heard good things).
It is so easy to say what we think. The thoughts in our head beg to be turned loose through our mouths. If you want to be heard, try these six simple steps from my “Seek first to understand…” article.
Feel stuck at Senior Manager?
Scope, team size, and consistent high-impact results are important...But are not enough.
From Sept. 11-14, I will teach a live online class via Maven on how to level up from Senior Manager to Executive (the last day to enroll is Sept. 10).
I will go in-depth on how to get promoted, detailing common obstacles such as:
How to know where you stand
How to develop and demonstrate executive presence
How to get executive visibility
How to engage executive sponsors
How to position yourself for promotion
How executives assess promotion readiness
If this is a topic of interest, click here for details.
Share This Article
If this series benefits you, please consider sharing it inside your workplace or with others who might get value.
My goal is to reach and help as many people as I can, and the reach grows through your sharing (thank you!).
Connect With Me
Click here to follow me on LinkedIn.
Click here to follow me on Twitter.
Level Up is a free newsletter from retired Amazon Vice President Ethan Evans that breaks down how he succeeded and how you can get to the next level.